THANK YOU…I LOVE YOU…GOODBYE

I am one of the trillion(s) OFW in the whole world. Our countrymen oftentimes called us a modern heroes. In their eyes we are risk taker, we are wealthy ( uy..hindi kami bangko hah....) and we are always showing bravery. Well, not all the time. Same like you, we are not excuse to unfavorable adversity. One of the greatest challenges of being a modern hero is not how to have both ends meet when your salary got delayed, or fighting the homesickness of living temporarily away from your family but for me..it is how to remain strong when there are unexpected chaos happen back home. No words can ever describe what you felt the moment you receive an emergency call stating their situation. You can’t even press any number from your phone or can’t find any courage to speak at all. It looks like your world stop for a while and before you turn your next move you found yourself floating in the river of your own tears.

A few weeks ago, I faced the biggest trial in my life. The Emergency Room to Intensive Care Unit to private room in the hospital became my father’s house for 9 days. It was a heartbreaking news for me since I am not there during those times. I know the hardship of living far away from my family and it doubled the pain when they hit the lowest point and I am physically absent to lifted them up. Though they try to encourage me not to worry their unsolicited tears can’t hide their true emotion. I feel them. I need to end my call sometimes because I also don’t want to show them that I am much affected here.  They are not suppose to hear me crying or got the news that I’m breaking down. It won’t help them after all.

I admit it was the season in our life when we are all weaken by the unexpected circumstances yet we felt every single day how He strengthen each one of us. We are loved. We are not carrying the burden alone because He’s with us. Even in the place that nobody want to stay…He’s there! ICU (I See You) God leading us in every step—lighting our darkest hour, making way when we think we left with no other way and provide everything we need when we almost thought of lacking something. Indeed, everyday is a gift of miracle from Him.

Then my father were moved to our house for complete recovery. He is stable. We felt God’s grace even in our little house. I realized how God loves my family that in my absence He gather all my aunts, uncles and cousins to took care of him. I can easily communicate with them because they’re all calm now compare when they were in the hospital.

Monday morning. A normal day for me in the office. My phone rings…call from 1 of my family member back home. I felt the heaviness in my heart. I don’t know why a call from my home country makes me more tensed. I try to compose myself, with shaking hand I start calling them. They can’t speak. Their weeping monopolize our conversation. “Wala na ang Tatay…”,  a trembling voice I heard from the other line.

I was shocked. It was the loneliest word I ever heard. My heart beats so fast while my eyes has an unstoppable tears. I sob in my desk to hide my teary-eyed. From that moment, I would like to think that he will be an Ofw also or just visit some other place but it sadden me to realize he will never come back. He purposely done his mission and in God’s perfect timing he did a very peaceful exit. Though it hard to imagine that he’s gone now; that we can’t see him anymore, all we did is just surrender and acceptance (step by step) in a leap of faith. It’s not easy but I know God is always with us.

During those challenging times, I need to wear my imaginary mask. Pretending strong in front of other people but so creepy deep inside. After I heard the nerve-racking news, I don’t know from where and whom (thanks..God) I got the courage to stand up and do all the necessary action so that I can come home immediately. There’s a big possibility that I might end up panicked especially when I know I need to visit the Consulate again for my passport extension, not sure if there’s an earliest flight available that fall within my natitirang budget or have enough energy to do it all in a very short span of hours but God, the most powerful, helped me to get things done. He is truly amazing. In His grace, I was able to travel back home with extra baggage of serenity, love assurance and lots of miracle from above.

In between my work schedule abroad, I make sure that I have time for vacation in my home country. It definitely adds spice to my excitement. But this time is totally different. Our house which is filled with happy faces every time I came home is now wrapped with provisional mourning. A sign of sadness engulfed our place. Bursting of tears became music to everybody’s ear. Ang hirap sa pakiramdam. Sobra. We are all heartbroken. We’re left breathing in ephemeral pain.

All my life, I’m thankful to grew up with a complete family. Losing someone dear to us is somehow very difficult on our part because hindi kame sanay but this is the new season in our life that we need to embrace. Despite of what happen, we will remain grateful for living many years of happiness with him and all the memories we create while he was around will be forever treasured in our heart. There is striking hurt in every wave of goodbye but goodbye should not be the reason to stay under the ascendancy of agony especially when we knew he’s in good hands now—he’s finally HOME in a happy place called God’s Paradise. No room of regrets when we kissed our finale goodbye. Instead, we are more grateful to God for sharing him to us. We witnessed how he lived a meaningful life and how we were blessed because of him. Yes it’s true we are all broken and some part of us has a missing piece but I believe God will surely help us to live with peace and be whole again. For now, we can’t avoid the touch of pain as we start all over again but as life goes on…we slowly claiming the process of moving on…

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. dapithapon
    May 27, 2014 @ 17:16:50

    Condolence, Ms. Loida…

    Reply

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